AFTER ALL
by Patcat
Summary: Missing scenes from Seasons Seven and Eight
1. Chapter 1

AFTER ALL

Spoilers for Seasons Seven and Eight

Chapter One

"So." Alex turned the key in the SUV's ignition. "Ross is human after all."

Bobby sat wordlessly in the front passenger seat.

"Always hard to learn you can't trust someone," Alex said. "Even if you already know it."

Bobby stared out the window at the trash ridden oceanfront.

"Nothing to add, Bobby?" Alex asked as she turned away from the water and towards the highway.

"I…I don't think I have the right to comment about trust," Bobby said softly. "Not after what I've done."

A thick silence settled in the SUV. Bobby wished for a knife to cut it, or to use on his wrists.

"At least Ross trusted us on this," Alex said after several miles. "I know Sanchez and Griffin should've caught this one. Ross gave it to us. He must have thought he could trust us."

"Or," Bobby murmured. "He thought it was an easy case…"

"You mean," Alex said in a tight voice. "Ross thought it was the young husband and the young wife running away from the older spouses."

Bobby took a deep breath. He decided his relationship with Alex couldn't get much worse, and, more than that, he had to be honest with her. "Yea…And you saw how he acted with her…Ross…Didn't think…Didn't want to think…She was guilty…We had to convince him…"

"You think Ross thought we'd clear her…"

"Yea…He expected this to be simple…"

"But he did trust us to do that, Bobby…And he did listen to us…Finally…When we got the evidence…"

"He listened to you," Bobby said.

They rode in silence for several minutes. "You listened to me," Alex said.

"I…I should listen to you more often," Bobby said.

"That'd be a change," Alex said flatly.

Bobby winced at her words. He couldn't tell if Alex was really angry, funny, or only stating a fact. He remained quiet for the rest of the drive to One Police Plaza and said as little as he could through the booking. He didn't even ask Alex for any forms he needed. Unfortunately, since he'd just returned to work, his desk lacked every form he needed, and Bobby frequently jumped up from his desk and moved to the supply cabinet.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Bobby," Alex said after his fifth trip. "You know I've got most of the forms in my desk." Alex always had forms around, partly because when Bobby arrived at Major Case she already had a supply on hand, and partly because Bobby's desk was soon filled with magnifying glasses, evidence bags, books, and everything else a genius detective might require. "Just ask for what you need," Alex said.

Bobby stared at his desk. "I…I'm sorry…I didn't want to bother you…"

"Stop jumping up and down so much and just ask me for what you need, ok? You'll bother me a lot less."

"Uh…Yea…I'll do that…I promise…"

Alex shook her head and continued with her work. Bobby turned to his computer and discovered that it wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. This, at least, was something that was like it was before his suspension. Alex frequently commented on his bad karma with machines, and the computer techs marveled at the weird things that happened to Bobby's computer. Bobby stared at the screen and tried desperately to figure out what was going on.

"Bobby…"

His head shot up at Alex's voice.

"What's going on?" she asked with more patience in her voice than he'd heard in a long time.

"Uh…" He tried not to wave his hands.

"Is it your computer?" Alex stood and walked to stand behind Bobby's shoulder.

"Uh…Yea…I…Uh…Didn't want to bother you…"

Alex leaned over his shoulder. The subtle scent of her perfume reached him. "Some things haven't changed." She typed and hit several keys. "Did you need to save anything?"

He shook his head.

"Ok. I think I got here before you did too much damage." Alex hit several keys, and the screen went blank. She turned off the computer, waited a few seconds, turned the machine back on, and waved her hands over the screen. "A-a-h, O-o-m," she said.

"Was that last part necessary?" Bobby asked.

"Computer magic," Alex smiled, and Bobby was ridiculously happy. "That should work."

Bobby typed in his password, and his icons and wallpaper appeared. "Thank you," he said softly. "I guess the computer magic worked."

Alex stepped back to her desk. "You told me about it in time," she said. "Glad I was able to help."

"I'll…I'll try to remember that…"

"That would save everyone some grief," Alex said gently.

Bobby felt as if he'd just finished a long and difficult test. He was sure everyone in the squad room could hear his heart pounding. "God," he thought. "Everything is a minefield." He tried to concentrate on the forms and screen in front of him.

"Hey…"

He looked up at Alex.

"I'm done…What about you?"

"Uh…Yea…" Bobby signed the last form and added it to the pile on his desk.

"I'll take these to Ross," Alex said.

"Yea," Bobby said softly. "He's not happy to see me when he's in a good mood, let alone now…"

"I'll deal with him," Alex declared.

Bobby watched as she deposited the paperwork on the captain's desk. Her conversation with Ross wasn't long, and it appeared to be civil. "More than it'd be if I was in there," Bobby thought. "But Ross helped me get back. He believed me when I thought Moran might be gunning for me. He didn't think I was paranoid…He did what he could for Donnie…I have to tell Alex that Ross did what he could…I have to tell her everything…" He held his head in his hands. "But how can I talk to her about anything? I've ruined it…Broke it…The one thing I really wanted to come back to…I've destroyed it…"

"Hey, you ok?"

Bobby blinked and looked across at Alex, who'd just returned from Ross' office. "She's actually worried about me," he thought.

"Uh…Yea…" He desperately wanted to talk to her, but he had no idea how to destroy the wall he'd created between them.

"I'm knocking off for the day," Alex said. "Nothing to do until the arraignment tomorrow."

Bobby swallowed and took a swing at the wall. "Uh…Eames…Would you…Uh…Like…"

"To do what, Bobby?" She stood and reached for her coat.

He couldn't read her, an increasingly and disturbingly familiar sensation.

"Uh…Would you like to…To get a bite to eat…Or something?"

"I've been dreaming of a good cheeseburger," Alex said wistfully. "You know how you get a craving?"

Bobby nodded. "Yea…"

"I've had this one for red meat and cheese…"

"I…I think I'm getting that too," Bobby said hesitantly.

"C'mon then," Alex said. "But we're going Dutch. I figure your finances are still shaky."

"You're right about that," Bobby admitted as he shut off his computer. He stood and picked up his binder. "But things are getting better."

As they walked through the squad room and into the elevator, Bobby felt ridiculously happy. They were going to get a bite to eat, just like they had before everything. He leaned against the elevator wall and tried not to act like an idiot.

"There's a new place nearby," Alex said. "I met my Dad for lunch there a few weeks ago."

"Ok," Bobby said. "You're the one with the craving."

He followed her to a brightly lit place filled with what appeared to be lawyers and professionals. The wood was more polished and the floor cleaner than those in the usual cop bar, and they found a booth in the back. Alex ordered a margarita; Bobby an iced tea.

"It…It seems like a nice place," Bobby ventured.

"It is…And the burgers are really good," Alex said. "My sister actually found it. There's a family section on the other side, so she can bring Nate."

"How is Nate?" Bobby asked. It seemed a safe subject, and he was genuinely interested in the boy.

"Great," Alex smiled. It was the warmest expression Bobby had seen on her face in months. She spoke happily about Nate until their food arrived, and then attacked her burger with the spirit of someone who hadn't had food for several hours. Bobby picked at his food with the air of someone who hadn't enjoyed food for some time.

"Something wrong?" Alex asked.

"Uh…It's fine…I'm just not very hungry," Bobby said.

"You don't seem to have much of an appetite since you've come back to work," Alex said.

Bobby's stomach churned. "I…I…Just haven't been hungry…"

Alex took the last bite of her burger and followed it with the remains of her margarita. She leaned forward. "Is that because you've got stuff on your mind?"

Bobby avoided Alex's eyes. "Uh…Yea…Lots of things…But…But…Mostly about how badly I treated my partner…" He took a deep breath. This was it. He'd hit the wall and knocked a few stones from it.

"Your partner may have treated you badly," Alex said softly.

Bobby's head shot up. "Uh…What…"

"When I yelled at you outside the cell…"

"You didn't yell…" He closed his mouth when he saw the look in her eyes.

"When I got angry at you…" Alex rubbed the rim of her margarita glass. "I was so angry…At you…Ross…Moran…Stoat…The whole NYPD…You were the closest and easiest target…And the worst thing…The thing I couldn't get over…" Alex clutched her glass so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "I…I had my gun on you…I could've killed you…"

"I…I know," Bobby whispered. "My…My gun was on you…"

"Did…Did you expect me to be there?"

Bobby shook his head. "No…I knew about the tourists' deaths…I knew you were in charge of that investigation and that it had something to do with Stoat and Testarossa…But I never expected to see you…"

"Stoat…He showed up at Major Case…Sat in your chair…"

"He…He never said anything to me about it…" A stone settled in Bobby's stomach. "You…You don't think…I'm not being paranoid…"

"To think there's a conspiracy against you…Us?" Alex asked. "I don't know…" A shiver ran up her spine. "I…I don't want to think that about the department…About other cops…About the Brass…But there are bad cops…And some of them are in the Brass…" She looked up at Bobby. "I know someone left a rat in your desk."

Bobby winced. "How…How did you…"

"I have my sources," Alex said. "A lot of cops…most of Major Case…like you…You should've told me about that…"

"Yes," Bobby agreed. "But…I…I didn't know how or when I should tell you…You needed to know…That there was a target on your back…"

"And there isn't one on yours?" Alex asked patiently. "Don't tell me that you're not important. That it doesn't matter. It matters…It matters a lot."

"After…After all I've done…Put you through," Bobby muttered.

"Yea…I still worry about you…Defend you…Nobody gets to pick on my partner but me," Alex declared.

"I…I am sorry…So sorry…" Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "Everyone…Everyone keeps asking me…Why it was so important to come back…"

"I've wondered about that," Alex said softly. "I know you're not in it just for the pension. Was it to prove everyone wrong?"

"Partly…But…But the real reason…The main one…Was to…To work with you…"

Alex stared at him.

"You…You…You're the best, Eames…Best partner…Friend…I realized…As much as the work meant to me…And it means a lot…It was doing the work with you that really mattered." He trembled. "I should've talked to you…I should've told you…But…I was so afraid I might not ever get back to the job…That if I told you…I'd never get to work with you again…Or…Worse…That you'd get in trouble…" His head fell into his hands. "And because I wanted so much to protect you…So much to get back to you…I did the very things I didn't want to…I hurt you…I really…" He choked and lowered his head. He didn't want her to see the tears forming in his eyes.

He felt a strong and gentle hand on his arm. "Bobby," Alex said. "I can understand that."

"You…You can? God, Al…Eames…I don't think I can…"

She gently squeezed his arm. "Look…I was way too hard on you…Yea…You shoulda told me…But once I cooled off and talked to some people…I realized what a terrible spot you were in…That crack about being your water carrier…You never treated me like that, Bobby…You might get lost in a case and forget about me…And everyone else…But you always remembered me and what I did…You always made sure I got credit…And there are times when you carried the water for me, and when I didn't mind carrying it for you."

"I…I can't promise you," Bobby said. "I'll try…I really will…I have been…But…It's so hard for me to trust…Everything in my life has taught me…And…and it seems that all I do is hurt you…"

"That's not true, Bobby," Alex insisted. "We've talked about this…"

"I remember…You said it was too late…"

"I told you what I meant by that…You're the best, too…You've made me a better cop…A better person…It's way too late for me to care about what the Brass thinks or want to be part of them. You showed me a better way…"

"A better way?" Bobby cried. "I…I got you involved with my half-assed attempt to help my nephew…I nearly got you suspended with me…"

"I remember going into that with my eyes open," Alex said. "I knew what I was doing."

"You couldn't have known…"

"No more than you knew what was going to happen to you…And you didn't know that, did you?"

"I…I didn't expect…To wind up in the hospital…I…I wasn't…I know what people say…" Bobby clutched at the edge of the table. "I didn't want…I wasn't looking for punishment…I…I didn't want to be hurt…I didn't think that I deserved…At least not then…Now…"

"Robert Goren." Alex fought to keep her voice even. "No one deserves to be treated like that…You especially…"

Bobby continued to stare at the table. "Do…Do you think…Someone wanted us to both be in that room…"

"I…I don't know," Alex said deliberately. "Ross knew about both of us…But he didn't expect you to be in that room…"

"Moran?" Bobby's question hung in the air.

"Moran hates you," Alex said after a moment. "Or at least what you did…Making the department and him look so bad…But I'm not sure he was involved deeply enough in the investigations…I know he stayed as far away from the investigation of the tourists' death as he could because he thought it wouldn't end well. Once it ended, he couldn't wait to get his face in front of the cameras. And he couldn't wait to give you your badge back either."

"Yea…He didn't even wait for the psychological clearing…" Bobby sighed. "Half the force now thinks I'm a toady to the Brass…The other half thinks I'm a traitor and a whack job…"

Alex reached for his hand, and Bobby's head shot up. "I know you," she said. "I know that you're not a toady to the Brass…I know you're not a traitor…I know you're not a whack job…"

Bobby stared at their hands. "If…If it wasn't for the dangers…Your opinion would be the only one that matters…"

They sat for several minutes in a stunned silence—Bobby shocked that he'd revealed so much and that Alex thought so much of him; Ales shocked that Bobby had told her so much and that she meant so much to him. Bobby recovered his voice first.

"Are we…Will we…Be all right?"

"Yes…But you have to be honest with me…"

Bobby struggled with his thoughts. "I…I need to tell you something…"

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"Ok," Alex thought. "Whatever it is…It must be big and bad…You wanted him to tell you the truth…You wanted him to be honest…Well, here it is, girl. Are you ready for this? Is this what you really want?"

Her hand still rested over his, and she gently squeezed it. "What is it?" she asked.

Bobby stared at their hands. "The…The last time I saw my Mom…Right before she died…" He swallowed. "It…It wasn't just that Brady…That he raped her…" His voice dropped to an anguished whisper. "She…Before that…She had an affair with him…"

Alex fought to keep her hand over Bobby's.

"She…She didn't know what he really was, of course…Brady…The last time I saw him…When I didn't take you…I…I should have taken you…I…I should've told you before now…But…How could I…I…I can barely believe it…But…Brady…He thought…That I was his biological son…And…And my Mom…She…She told me…I had to know…My Mom is dying and I have to know…Have to ask her about the worse thing in her life…"

"What…What did she say?" Alex hated her desire to know.

"She…She wasn't sure," Bobby confessed. "She didn't know…Who my biological father was…"

Alex struggled to remember to breath. Bobby tried to pull his hand away, but she clung to it.

"No wonder you've been…So shell shocked," Alex said softly. "You've been dealing with the suspension…Your mother's death…Everything…And this has been hanging over you…"

"I…I thought about telling you…I wanted to…I almost told you so many times…But how do you tell someone…Hey…You know that drunk, cheating, gambling son-of-a-bitch I thought was my father? Not my father…My father is a vicious monster…A serial rapist and killer…"

"Bobby." Alex tightened her grip on his hand. "Mark Ford Brady…Even if…He had nothing to do with what you are…You know that…"

Bobby fought to keep from shaking.

"Does…Does anyone else know?" Alex asked.

"There were a couple of guards in the room when Brady…Brady insinuated…But they…They didn't believe him…He apparently said a lot of things like this to people who visited him…He wanted to provoke a reaction from me…And he got it…"

"Bobby…What happened?" The idea that Brady had managed to provoke Bobby was much worse to Alex than the possibility the man might be Bobby's biological father.

"He…He suggested…I might be his son…"

"What evidence…Besides your mother's fears…"

"Frank…Frank recognized the photo of Brady in his army uniform…He called him "Uncle Mark". Frank told me that he brought me presents…I…I didn't remember him…But Frank said he was around a lot…"

"Bobby…Can you trust Frank?"

"I…I do on this," Bobby said. "Everything…Supports what he says…"

"But…" Alex struggled to understand what Bobby told her. "But Brady…We know he attacked…"

"He…He and my Mom went away together…I remember when I was little…My Dad…The man I thought…Everyone told me that she was in an accident, and that's why she went to the hospital…And after that…She wasn't the same…Schizophrenia…It…It can be triggered…Made worse…By stress…And we know of at least one case where Brady attacked a girlfriend…" Bobby looked at Alex, who could barely hold his gaze. "He hurt her…I know he hurt her…And…And everything was bad after that…" Bobby sounded like a frightened, desperate child. "Oh…God…Eames…Alex…" His head slumped down into his free hand.

"Bobby…You're not sure about…You haven't had any tests or anything done?"

"No…And…I don't know…Do…Do I really want to know about this?"

Alex looked at the tormented man who sat across from her. "Bobby…This changes nothing about you…Please…Look at me…"

He slowly raised his head.

"Knowing you…I'll bet you'll have to know…But it doesn't make any difference…You're who you are…You're a good man…You became a good man in spite of your parents and everything that happened to you. It doesn't matter if William Goren or Mark Brady was your father…You're a good man. You're my partner and my friend and you're a good man."

His free hand moved to join his other hand and hers on the table. He wasn't shaking as badly as he had. "You…You're sure? I…I haven't always treated you as well…Especially…"

"Hey. That's a two way street…I haven't always kept up my side of the bargain. Ross told me…After I finished yelling at him, and he stopped me from rushing up to Moran's office and screaming at him…He told me about the conditions of your undercover work…And I've talked to other people…Deakins, for one…And they reminded me that you didn't have a lot of choices and none of them was good…"

Bobby could finally look at Alex. "You…You mean…Are we…Are we ok?"

"Yea…We need to work on a lot of stuff…But we're ok."

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

They were ok, usually. Bobby kept his head down and focused on the job. The results were impressive. The Major Case solve rate, which had taken a hit during Bobby's absence, rose noticeably, and the team of Goren and Eames regained its high ranking among NYPD detectives. Bobby had always avoided the Brass as much as he could, so his renewed and more extensive efforts to avoid the species required only slightly more work in that area. He used the stairs more frequently, telling Alex that it was part of his attempt to get in better shape, but she knew a desire to avoid any higher-ups was a major reason for his climbs. He scanned the squad room more carefully before he entered, and he retreated to empty interrogation and interview rooms more often. Alex joined him frequently. She wanted to avoid the Brass almost as much as he did, and Ross' irritation when he couldn't find either her or Bobby amused her.

"You…You shouldn't upset him," Bobby ventured one morning. "He…He likes you…"

Alex snorted. "He likes me so much he tries to tell me what to do in my personal life."

"He…Uh…Only did that once," Bobby said carefully.

"Yea…He hasn't made that mistake again," Alex declared. "If he really needs us, he'll find us. You know that most of the time he's either repeating himself or telling us something we already know. I hate being micromanaged."

"He…He's in a tough position, Eames," Bobby said softly. "And remember…It took Deakins a long time…Especially with me…"

"You're defending him," Alex said slowly. "He gives you a harder time than the rest of the squad put together…And you're defending him…"

"I…I owe him." Bobby twirled his pen. "He stood up for me…Against Moran…When…When the undercover job started…" Bobby approached the subject with great care. It was still a raw subject between Alex and himself. "I asked Ross if he thought…That I wondered if Moran hoped I'd fail…Or worse…I wondered if I was being paranoid…And Ross…Ross said he was afraid that I might be right…I know you think I don't pay attention to gossip…But I know Ross used to be close to Moran…For him to say that to me…For him to fight to get me back…It's a lot…I'm willing to give Ross a lot of space…"

"Well," Alex said after a moment. "I don't owe him anything…And I'm not sure what you owe him…

Bobby shrugged. "Ok."

Every day got better Every day Bobby felt better about entering One Police Plaza. Every day Alex was calmer and kinder. Bobby sensed it wasn't just the coffees he made sure rested on her desk every morning. As long as he knew she supported him, he could ignore the stares and whispers that greeted and followed him.

"Hey," Alex said one morning about two weeks after Bobby returned from his exile. "You don't have to buy me coffee every morning. For one thing, I know the state of your finances. For another, it makes me feel like I'm not pulling my own weight."

Bobby blanched.

"For heaven's sake, Bobby…Don't be paranoid." Alex sighed. "We used to be able to laugh about this sort of thing."

"I…I wish I could laugh," Bobby said wistfully. "I wish I could laugh about anything with anyone…But especially you…"

Alex studied him for a moment. "Let me take you to lunch today," she said.

"Uh…What? You don't have to…"

"Please…It'll make up for some of those mochas you brought me…Please…"

He couldn't resist her appeal, even though he dreaded the lunch more and more through the morning. He knew she wanted to talk about something, and all of the things she might want to talk about filled him with dread. By the time they entered their favorite diner, Bobby was convinced that Alex was about to tell him she'd just submitted her transfer request to Ross, or that she had just handed the Captain her resignation and she was about to cut all contacts to the NYPD or any of its members, especially Robert Goren, who was responsible for her need to abandon the department. After his initial horror at these thought, Bobby saw his future very clearly, or rather he clearly saw the absence of his future. If he didn't have Alex Eames to work with, he couldn't and didn't want to work. And if he didn't have work, there really wasn't any reason for his existence. Suicidal thoughts had never been strangers to Bobby Goren, but he usually managed to dismiss them easily and quickly. But he found himself welcoming these thoughts, and by the time he sat across from Alex at a hidden corner booth, he'd accepted them. A great calmness flooded over him as he watched Alex attack her sandwich. She might be one of the few who would mourn his passing. She might even feel guilty about not saving him. Whatever he said in his last note, he'd have to stress that she was in no way responsible for his actions. She'd be upset for a while, of course—Alex was too kind, too good, not to feel something at the loss of a friend, even a friend who'd become a huge weight professionally and personally—but she'd move on. She'd probably realize how much he'd cost her during their eight years together and wonder why she'd stayed with him. With any luck, she'd meet or return to some nice guy. The Brass would recognize her talents and abilities, and she'd get the promotion she'd always deserved.

"Bobby…Have you heard anything I've said in the last five minutes?"

He looked at Alex, who regarded him with a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

"Uh…I'm sorry…"

"I was saying that you have to stop apologizing all the time, Bobby," Alex said patiently. "You've apologized for everything that's happened, even the stuff that's not remotely your fault. I know you mean it, not only from what you keep saying, but from what you keep doing. I've told you…I'm sorry, too." She pushed her sandwich's remains around her plate. "I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I know that and I've said I'm sorry. I hope my actions tell you that. But…We can't keep apologizing to each other all the time. We can't walk on tiptoes around each other. We have to be honest with each other. We have to be able to argue with each other, to fight with each other."

Bobby's head swam. She wasn't leaving him. She wasn't resigning. She wanted to save the partnership, the friendship. His head dropped into his hands.

"Bobby?" She placed her hand on his arm. "Bobby…Are you ok?"

"I…I don't know what to say," he confessed. "I…I'm afraid of upsetting you…I'm afraid of destroying…If I haven't already…"

Alex stared at him. In the weeks since his return she'd realized how deeply and desperately sorry he was for his actions leading up to his suspension and his refusal to tell her about his undercover work during it. She knew how terribly he needed to get back to the job. Now she understood that it wasn't just the job he had to get back to. He had to get back to the job with her. Her anger—justified as it might be—had nearly destroyed him. Alex's head swam as the power she held over Bobby horrified her.

"Ea…Eames? Are you ok?"

She could scarcely hold Bobby's gaze. His dark brown eyes were full of worry and…love.

"Oh, no," Alex thought. "Not my partner…Not another cop…After all…But why do I stay? No…I can't be…No…"

"Alex…Are you all right? Please?"

Bobby had lost thoughts of any of his own problems. He started to stand, but Alex's hand pressed against his arm.

"I…I'm fine," she said. "Really…You…You didn't destroy anything, Bobby…Some of this happened to us…We didn't do anything…But we have to deal with it…"

"You…You're not leaving?"

"Bobby…What do I have to do to convince you I'm not going anywhere? Smack you up the side of the head?" She smiled.

"It…It's just…" Bobby stared at his plate. "People…People have left me for a lot less…I…I'm not used to…I don't know how to…"

Her hand gently held his arm. "Just…Just try to go with it, ok?"

"Ok…" Bobby suddenly realized he was very hungry. "I guess," he thought. "I have a reason to live…At least for now…"

Things got better after that. Bobby went to work every day grateful that he had a reason to live. He still kept his head down, still avoided the Brass, still struggled to avoid antagonizing Ross. The last was frequently difficult—Bobby often thought that his appearance alone could set Ross off. But everything with Alex more than made up for any problems with Ross. Alex smiled more; her deadly wit returned; and she seemed to welcome the job almost as much as Bobby did. He sensed some reserve on her part, but blamed it on his own oversensitivity.

Some cases still hurt more than others. The murders of the young children's parents cut deeply for both of them. Bobby hadn't had a real childhood and had few prospects of having a family; both made him acutely aware of the terrible pains and fears some children faced and desperate to prevent and end those pains and fears. Alex's experience of a warm, safe childhood combined with her family's history of crusading to give all children the same security as those in the Eames family, to make her equally zealous when it came to protecting children. The murder of parents for something as ludicrous as placement in a nursery school sickened Bobby and Alex.

Bobby knew something was wrong the moment he stepped in the school's hallway. Alex's senses went on alert a second after his. It was too quiet and dark, even if the children were taking naps. Alex realized she'd allowed Bobby to take his customary leading position. Bobby sensed her presence just behind him.

"She trusts me," he thought. "More than I trust myself."

The situation was a nightmare, the only consolation being that the children were asleep and away from the disturbed young woman with the large gun. Bobby informed Alex of the presence of the hostages so quietly and calmly that a bystander might guess nothing was wrong. Alex knew her role. She had to get the children out, call for backup, and listen. She could just see his bulky form inside the next room. In spite of everything that had happened to him and everything that he'd done, Alex trusted Bobby. She trusted him to do everything he could to free the hostages. But he'd never put his safety ahead of anyone else, and might not think about it at all. After she managed to get the children out and call for backup, Alex's fear for Bobby grew, not because of Bobby, but because of that disturbed young woman and that big gun.

She rushed into the room the moment Bobby yelled "Clear!" She ignored the young woman, who twisted and turned in the hands of two uniforms and screamed about betrayal and how no one understood her. Alex hurried to the two hostages, who were terribly shaken and frightened but physically unharmed. Bobby gently handed them into the care of the medical personnel and turned to Alex.

"The kids…Ok?" He spoke as if he weren't sure if his voice could carry the words.

"Yes…All of them…They were great…" Alex didn't tell him that she'd seen her nephew in all of the children's faces.

"I…I knew you'd get them out," Bobby said. "I…I knew you'd be better at that…I mean…I didn't…It wasn't because I thought…"

"Bobby…Are you apologizing for doing your job? And doing it very well?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't want you to think…"

"It never crossed my mind." Alex glanced around the classroom. There were too many ears in the room, and some of them possibly hostile. "Later…We can talk then."

Bobby nodded, but Alex knew he wasn't reassured.

The routine of booking and processing took over the next hours. The young woman was depressed and distraught and directed her rage at Bobby. For his part, Bobby was terribly quiet, even for him in recent months. Alex watched him as he worked over several forms. Even with all of the troubles that had assailed him in recent months, there was still something boyish and vulnerable about him.

"I could've lost him," Alex thought. "I could've lost him today…I could've lost him at that bar…I could've lost him at Tates…All those time…" A hand seemed to squeeze her heart, and Alex closed her eyes.

"Eames…Are you alright?"

Alex opened her eyes. Bobby had rolled his chair over to hers and looked at her with great concern.

"I'm fine," she said, and she knew he didn't believe her lie.

Ross appeared at their desks. "A warning," he said. "The Chief is on his way to face the press…"

Bobby blanched.

"No," Alex said as she rose from her chair. "We are not going to be part of Moran's PR party."

"It could be…" Ross shook his head. "No…The Chief would just think Goren's trying to steal his glory…Both of you…Get out of here…You need to go over those witness statements…Do it somewhere out of the building."

"Yes, Sir." Alex grabbed her and Bobby's coats.

"But…" Bobby looked from Alex to Ross.

"C'mon…Let's get out of here," Alex said. "Thank you, Captain."

"Don't worry," Ross said wearily. "Moran will be happy that he won't have to share the glory."

Bobby and Alex had just stepped into one elevator when the Chief and his entourage emerged from another.

"Dodged a bullet there," Alex said after the doors shut.

Bobby fidgeted with his binder. "You think Ross'll be ok?"

"He'll be fine. You heard what he said. Moran's never met a camera he didn't like, and you never want to get between him and one. He'd hate sharing the spotlight with you. You, on the other hand, hate the spotlight. So, telling us to get out of the office was a very smart thing for Ross to do. Let's get some good coffee and review those statements."

They sat in what they'd come to regard as their corner in their coffee shop, where the waitresses knew almost as much about NYPD gossip as the captains' secretaries. Alex occasionally used their reports to augment her other sources. Bobby ignored the gossip, but the waitresses loved him for his kindness, his tips, and his deep chocolate eyes. The staff always gave Alex and Bobby plenty of space and time, although both detectives noted that the waitresses had treated them, especially Bobby, with more care since his return from suspension.

"She's nervous," Bobby said softly after the young waitress left after filling their coffee cups. "She's…She's afraid of being seen…"

"With you? Isn't that a little paranoid, Bobby?" Alex asked gently.

"Are…Are you sure you want to be seen with me?"

"Of course I am," Alex replied. "Especially now. This case will make the Brass more kindly disposed toward us. We've made the department look good with some very rich and influential people."

"Another thing I should've listened to you about," Bobby said. "Department gossip…Politics…I should've paid more attention."

"Even I didn't know how bad it was," Alex said. "Deakins protected us from a lot…Ross has been out of the loop for so long…I don't think he knew that Moran was such a jerk…But maybe the Chief will give you a break now…"

"I doubt it," Bobby said flatly. "He may resent me even more. I showed the Department's dirty laundry…And then I didn't go away…And now that I've come back…If I do well, it makes him look bad."

"Even if doing your job makes the department look good?"

"I think Moran thinks he and the department are the same thing."

"Well, I heard some cops say you should get a commendation for what you did at the school today," Alex said

Bobby smiled sadly. "The only way Moran will ever give me a commendation is if it's at my funeral."

"Bobby…"

"If…If I did well on this case, Eames…It was because I trusted you…I knew you'd get the kids out and you'd get us backup. You trusted me. You let me do my job. You trusted me a lot more than I did myself…When I saw what I was getting into…" He shivered.

Alex felt very dizzy. She took a deep breath. "It wasn't easy," she admitted. In truth, letting Bobby walk into that room was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. Alex knew he was good in these situations, better than most of the so-called experts on the hostage squads. But she also knew Bobby had been forced to deal with far too many of these cases and that, in spite of the fact he'd managed to get out of harm's way and the gun away from Ray Wisnewski, Bobby regarded that confrontation as a failure. And after everything else—Donnie, Tates, his mother's death, Frank's betrayal, Alex's betrayal—Alex wondered if Bobby still had the resources to deal with a crisis, and she hated that she had those doubts.

"I…I knew," Bobby continued. "That you'd be better at getting the kids out. You wouldn't frighten them. It…It wasn't that I thought you couldn't handle…It was that you'd be better with the kids and I'd be better in the room with the hostages…"

"You…You thought all of that out in a few seconds, Goren?" Alex asked shakily.

"No. Actually…I don't remember thinking it at all…I just knew it…I knew that I could trust you and it was the right thing to do…It was later that I realized that you might thing…It…God…Eames…I couldn't have gone in there without you…"

"I was so scared," Alex blurted out. "I…I couldn't lose you again…I couldn't lose…" She choked.

"You…You were scared? You did…You didn't think I could do it? You didn't trust me?"

"No…No…That's not what I meant." Alex rushed to reassure him. "I…I knew that if anyone could get those women out safely, it was you. But I also knew you…You'd worry about…Take care of…Everyone but yourself…That you'd put yourself last…"

Bobby calmed, but was still very troubled. "Eames…That's our job…It's what we do…"

"I…I know," Alex said. "And I really don't want to be like anything else…But I was still scared…But it didn't have anything to do with trusting you. And you did the right thing…You saved the hostages. You caught the perp. You were great…"

Bobby studied her for several moments. "We," he finally said. "We were great…"

"Yea," Alex said. "We were great."

END CHAPTER THREE


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